….is upon the waters….Psalm 29
He has dominion over the deep. He has the power to keep them from separating us from our children. He can split the seas. He can walk on water. He can calm the stormy seas with one word.
The voice of the Lord breaks the cedars of Lebanon. Like lightening strikes the highest points, so the voice of the Lord brings down everything that exalts itself, every pride, every gov’t. It all rests on his shoulders, he can easily shake them.
The voice of the Lord is mighty and majestic, like thunder. He will be heard among the nations, but he will speak softly, tenderly to you, his child.
And the ears of the Lord? Are listening. He’s bent over with compassion to hear your weeping voice, your silent tears. Your’s, and your child’s. As Father to the fatherless, he is surely ready to defend the helpless.
The arm of the Lord? Strong, mighty, invisible in battle. Nothing is too difficult for him. And yet those same arms embrace, bless, carry his children.
The eyes of the Lord? Move to and fro searching for hearts that are committed fully to him in order to strengthen them. He sees. He always sees…everything. 2 Chronicles 16
The love of the Lord- how deep, how wide, how long. Nothing can separate you or your child from his love. But his love is jealous. His children will be his own. His love is like fire. It will consume what binds his children.
His ways? Who can understand? They are higher, wiser. He can be trusted. We must have faith.
How is 2012 shaping up for all you waiting-moms? Has the year been what you expected so far? For me, in many ways – yes! Our move to Amarillo has been a great transition. In other ways, no. Sunny isn’t as close to coming home as I had thought. Disappointment can bring out some ugly attributes…at least, it can for me. So, let me start this new year devotion for January (which I realize is almost over…but its not February just yet!) with that dreaded act of humility that is ever so rewarding and freeing – confession.
Confessions of a Waiting Mom…
#1: On days when I have many things to get done and two beautiful children at my heals, I often vanish into the imagination of what the day will be like when I realize I can take Sunny home. “Imagination” isn’t exactly the right word. I almost go to another place, transcend into another world and fully feel the overwhelming joy and relief that day will bring. I cry like it’s really happening right at that moment. A well-written play to be acted out in my mind regularly (drama-queen, I know). This morning I entered that place thinking of the moment Sunny and I step out of pastor’s car at the airport realizing I will miss his dear, deep eyes and pleasant smile but relishing that I don’t have to leave Sunny ever again. Tears well up at the thought, as the scene plays out in my mind….
And then I snap back to reality…another reason to cry. The time has not yet come.
I don’t walk around crying all day, just in case you were starting to feel concerned for me. But I do have those moments when I imagine Sunny is home and hope has been realized rather than deferred.
Jesus protect my heart from the sickness that comes when hope is pushed back and fill me with joy in the honor I have been given to wait on you. Help me live in the present fully; enjoying the children you have given me as I wait for Sunny to join us. Help me tear down imaginations that can lead to false expectations so I can live in the authentic reality of this journey, worshipping you in this present waiting.
#2: Watching other adoptions move beautifully through to completion for other friends is so beautiful…. But it also stings. I’m jealous they get to move on and enjoy life with their new child while Sunny still has to wait. At the same time, I have a number of friends even further behind in their adoptions….who will wait even longer than we have for Sunny. Perspective is a must-have that is not easily grasped.
Jesus, give me a heart for every orphan, like your heart. Let me fully rejoice for each one’s homecoming. Let me fully devote to pray for those who must wait longer. And help me wait better….selflessly.
#3: I have faith God hears me and sees Sunny and that he will bring her home eventually. But I often doubt he’ll really move mountains for us. Sure, I have moments of great, doubtless faith… But after two years of waiting – those two years including watching her face grow and change, it’s hard to really believe this is the moment when everything will change and He will make it happen.
Jesus, increase my faith.
#4: There is a beautiful, godly older orphan who has taken Sunny in at HCRM…she’s like Sunny’s mom. While I find this good and important and reassuring that she is being watched and cared for, I am also jealous that she gets to be Sunny’s mom-figure right now and I grieve when I think of how much Sunny will miss her once home. How can I have so many mixed emotions about this simple act of love? God has provided for Sunny an important, emotional attachment and yet I am wanting that all for myself. The ache is so big.
Jesus, teach me to trust in your plan even when it hurts. Help me to see that you are loving Sunny well in giving her this precious mother-figure.
#5. I cannot think of even one reason that would make delaying Sunny’s homecoming worthwhile, but God has not brought her home and I must continue to trust the potter with Sunny – his living, breathing, growing, needy clay.
Jesus, help me not to doubt your goodness. Remind me your ways are higher than mine and that my ache for her is a small portion of YOUR ache for her. Amen.
So, what’s your “waiting-mom confession”? Let’s bring all our doubts and fears into the light together so they can be conquered and our waiting be made fruitful in every way!
Blessings friends,
Cindy
In our adoption journeys there have always been crises of faith by which I was tested and eventually strengthened, but a crisis is a crisis! I have been brought to my knees on numerous occasions praying/pleading questions like “why?”, “when?”, “are you listening?”, “do you really love me?”, or “do you really love my child?” Let me be honest, sometimes God in his mysterious ways just makes no sense to my earthly mind.
Yesterday I was in a Christian bookstore looking for a special book to read to my girls this Christmas, something that would give them a fresh perspective on the Christmas story. I scanned several great books but somehow in the middle of flipping through pages the Lord started my mind down a beautiful path as I envisioned Mary arriving into Bethlehem fully pregnant, exhausted. I pictured her looking over the vast crowd as she and Joseph began their search for an inn. I imagined the weight of all the persecution she must have encountered prior to this day – ridicule for carrying a child outside of wedlock with a crazy story of an angel announcing this would be the Son of God.
Then I imagined what I would be thinking in that moment if I had been Mary. And you know what conclusion I came to? Due to my culturally-corrupt, self-centered mind I would be seriously asking God why he didn’t at least have an Inn for me to deliver this child I had been so persecuted for carrying; so inconveniently chosen to bear the burden of being misunderstood. I’d feel like he owed me some small comfort in the midst of this calling/duty. I’d at least question if he really loved me and His Son if He wasn’t going to provide some animal-free place to go through labor. And that’s why I wasn’t chosen to be Mary, in case you were wondering… sigh…
Though I don’t know exactly what Mary was thinking I imagine she understood something I seem to forget often – that to carry the Son of God inside of her was a greater gift than any comfort. It was enough. More than enough, just to be chosen.
This is my lesson, my fresh perspective this Christmas season: There is no room to doubt the love of God, the character of God, the plan of God for his people. I have a privilege similar to Mary’s – I carry the Spirit of the Living God inside of me. This was Mary’s joy despite her circumstances. This should be mine.
Sunny just celebrated her 8th birthday yesterday (December 6). Last year we celebrated with her via Skype with cake and candles and party hats. I cried most of that day so I expected I would be emotional this time around. Not only have we been on this journey to bring her home for just one month shy of 2 years, we are also in the middle of a big move to Amarillo, TX. We leave this precious city of San Antonio in just one week. We have a huge adoption community here. I have literally dozens of precious, close friends. The iron-sharpens-iron kind of friends that you just never get over having to leave. So there is plenty of emotion to be had.
But this year there were no tears on Sunny’s birthday. This year there was peace, joy. I’m sure much of this is due to the fact that I have great hope Sunny will be home soon. And part of our peace/joy is the excitement of a new opportunities for Billy’s songwriting, a new group of believers to get to know, a new city to explore and impact with the Spirit of Adoption. But I think the peace and joy are deeper than those sweet morsels of hope. I think the difficulty of this adoption journey is finally revealing what’s been in the refining process – Increased faith and contentment in being chosen by Jesus to carry His Spirit within me to the lost. His abiding in me is, afterall, more than enough proof that God is REDEEMING LOVE.
Love came down to die for me so that I may truly live. How then shall I live? – In a way that shows how honored I am to have Him living in me!
Joy To The World
Joy to the world
The Lord has come
Let earth receive her King
Let every heart prepare Him room
And heaven and nature sing
And heaven and nature sing
And heav’ and heav’ and nature sing
He rules the world with truth and grace
And makes the nations prove
The glories of His righteousness
And wonders of His love
And wonders of His love
And wonders wonders of His love
No more will sin and sorrow grow
Nor thorns infest the ground;
He’ll come and make the blessings flow
Far as the curse was found,
Far as the curse was found,
Far as, far the curse was found.
Joyful Joyful We Adore Thee
Joyful, Joyful we adore Thee
God of glory, Lord of love
Hearts unfold like flowers before Thee,
Opening to the sun above.
Melt the clouds of sin and sadness;
Drive the dark of doubt away;
Giver of immortal gladness
Fill us with the light of day!
All Thy works with joy surround Thee,
Earth and heaven reflect Thy rays,
Stars and angels sing around Thee,
Center of unbroken praise.
Field and forest, vale and mountain,
Flowery meadow, flashing sea,
Singing bird and flowing fountain
Call us to rejoice in Thee.
Thou art giving and forgiving,
Ever blessing, ever blessed,
Wellspring of the joy of living,
Ocean depth of happy rest!
Thou our Father, Christ our Brother,
All who live in love are Thine;
Teach us how to love each other,
Lift us to the joy divine.
Mortals, join the happy chorus,
Which the morning stars began;
Father love is reigning o’er us,
Brother love binds man to man,
Ever singing, march we onward,
Victors in the midst of strife,
Joyful music leads us Sunward
In the triumph song of life!
This semester of home school I have been reading a chapter of “The Jesus Storybook Bible” to my girls each morning. If you are not familiar with this children’s Bible its worth your time to read more about it here. It puts Scripture into beautiful stories children can understand, and honestly, sometimes it gives me a fresh perspective as well and moves me to tears.
A couple of mornings ago I was reading the chapter called “The Singer” which covers a portion of the Sermon on the Mount from Matthew 6,9 and Luke 12. In the story Jesus is reminding his people that the birds don’t worry about food and the flowers don’t worry about clothes. They know their Maker will feed and clothe them. At the end of the story it reads,
“Even though people had forgotten, the birds and the flowers hadn’t forgotten – they still knew their song. It was the song all God’s creation had sung to him from the very beginning. It was the song people’s hearts were made to sing: ‘God made us. He loves us. He is very pleased with us.’ It was why Jesus had come into the world: to sing them that wonderful song; to sing it not only with his voice, but with his whole life – so that God’s children could remember it and join in and sing it, too.”
As I read that to my girls I had the overwhelming sense that this story was for me at that very moment. In a season of life in which we find ourselves nearing the end or our 7th consecutive year of international adoption journeys, we also find ourselves packing our house to make a big move to Amarillo, TX in what has been one of the busiest years of our lives. I have been to Haiti 6 times in the last 18 months for this last adoption journey while homeschooling, traveling for my husband’s ministry, recording a new album, and all the other things life swings our way… dishes, laundry, melt-downs, etc. It’s been a packed year and to end it with a thousand good-byes to be said and another thousand “first-times-in-a-new-city”…well, it can all be a bit overwhelming. And sometimes I have forgotten I have no need to worry. The God who made me also wrote my story a long, long time ago. And it’s a perfect one because HE wrote into it His rescue plan for me, His protection plan, His provision plan.
After I read this story and pondered it for a minute a chorus to a new song popped into my head. I still have to work on the verses, but the chorus says,
This is my song declaring I believe
The King of kings, He cares for me
I have no worries
I have no worries
This is my song to sing when everything
Is crashing in on this belief
The One who made me
Will meet my every need
This is my song.
(c) 2011 Poetic Present Songs
Maybe you need to remember this today, too. Maybe your adoption journey feels like it will never end. Maybe your emotions for your child-to-be are so heavy you can’t move. Maybe your sense of timing cannot fathom how God’s timing can be right. Maybe your prayers for your child don’t even have words anymore because the journey is just that hard. Maybe you are getting ready to travel to your child’s country and your head is spinning with packing lists and before-travel jitters. Maybe you are about to meet your child’s birthparents and you wonder if you’ll have the right things to say, the right questions to ask. Maybe you are waiting for your first child and you are scared to become a parent. Maybe you owe money for the next step of adoption and you have no idea where the money will come from. The list of maybe’s goes on.
While the list of things you could possibly be worrying over never ends, one thing remains true, faithful. Jesus. Your Maker loves you. Your child’s Maker loves him/her. And the story is already written for you both. The only thing missing is a heart ready to sing in the midst of earthly trials, “I have no worries because My Maker loves me and will meet all my needs.” Declare it today. Remind yourself. You have no worries. This is your worship song of trust today.
“He went away again a second time and prayed, saying, “My Father, if this cannot pass away unless I drink it, Thy will be done.” Matthew 26:42
“How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will you hide Your face from me? How long will I take counsel in my soul, Having sorrow in my heart all the day? How long will my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and answer me, O Lord, my God; Enlighten my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death, Lest my enemy say, ‘I have overcome him.’ Lest my adversaries rejoice when I am shaken. But I have trusted in Thy longvingkindess; My heart will rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, Because He has dealt bountifully with me.” Psalm 13
“Prayer is emotional, passionate, pleading from deep within. But in the end, it is submissive.” – David Tooker, Hillside Fellowship, Spring Branch, TX
Teaching from the story of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, our pastor delivered this blessed word straight to my heart this morning. As we wait for our Haitian adoption paperwork to move forward from the office where its been stuck for over 7 months I have pleaded with the Lord for His swift deliverance with no answer but, “wait and trust”. Last week, by the mercy of God and the power of the Spirit within, I began truly grasping this. There is nothing I can do. I have prayed every way I know how. I have worshipped in the good times and bad. But when our papers were passed up yet again this week while we watched other families, who have not waited as long (but SO happy for them!), pass through our hearts were tested. Would we trust? Would we submit? Would we except the wait with the right attitude? Yes, we must!
Not my will, Lord, but Yours. I have no idea what you are up to, why you would wait to deliver a 7 year old out of the situation she is in when our family waits for her here. But what I do know is Your character. You are good. You are faithful. You are a Father to the fatherless. And NOTHING is too difficult for You. So if You wait to make Your move, there is a good, God-glorifying reason. If You postpone victory, You have a plan that still ends in victory. So we wait with You. We trust You, the only One who can deliver. You God, can be counted on. You are the Mighty One, mighty to save!
We Will Trust: http://itunes.apple.com/au/album/wonder-working-one-ep/id322198899
Words and Music: Billy Foote
Verse 1:
All we need, it is found in the Lord
Perfect peace and the King is the source
In our trials and tribulations
There’s no need for desperation
We will trust in the Lord
Chorus:
Our God will deliver us
Our God will deliver us
In his faithfulness, will deliver us
We will trust
Verse 2:
We will call on the name of the Lord
Standing firm, in the truth of the word
For your glorious appearing
It is closer, it is nearing
We will trust in the Lord
Bridge:
In his name
Unchanging
Almighty
Most Holy
Chorus 2:
Our God can be counted on
Our God can be counted on
Yes, the Mighty One
Can be counted on
We will trust!
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